The Disappointment of a Small and Unimportant Life.

The other day my dear friend Chad and I were mulling over our life prospects together and we reached the conclusion that we were both very disappointed with our lives and couldn't quite decide where it was that we went wrong. Both of us have had very important accomplished people, who "know what they are talking about" praise us for what a natural wealth of talent we have and how we were supposed to be going places. Unfortunately neither of us have gone anywhere, we're both stuck. Stuck living with our parents, stuck with people who would seek to at all costs to prevent us from continuing to pursue our "worthless" passions, stuck away from the cities that we love to be in, stuck in suburbia, stuck being forced to study other fields which "make a viable contribution to society" in the view of other people, stuck relying on people that if they didn't have money and we weren't both destitute we'd never speak to them again. Stuck. I really wish I had the money to pursue my art career the way I wanted, or hell even the money to go to CalArts for their character animation program (go get a job I'd love and enjoy in a related field). There are a million things I'd rather be doing, but I've made mistakes in the past that have sabotaged me and now I'm stuck.

Balderdash

So apparently I spoke too soon because I never actually heard back about the job at Nintendo, big fucking let down. Now I'm not exactly sure what to do, I'm pretty sure no one even reads this blog, but if you did I'd really love to hear some advice. I wish I was thin enough to go into the military. Hell at this point I'd sign up for a program where they put you in a medical coma for a couple of months till you're skinny enough to go into the military. I would actually do that, it would probably be horrible for me and be outrageously expensive but hey putting on muscle mass has never ever been a problem its taking off fat that's the issue. So I've found out that I've got hypothyroidism, and while I don't eat that well its not helped that I'm not producing enough of the hormone for my metabolism to be where it needs to be. I was feeling really well when I was on the thyroid med for a while but its run out so now I need to find a local doc and get my med situation figured out. I'm 330lbs. and I need to weigh 150lbs. to go into the military. I'm going to be honest, I really really don't, I mean DO absolutely not want to become a nurse but my parents are doing everything in their power to force me into it. Its gotten to the point where the argument is go become a nurse or go live under an overpass. So rather than be homeless and unemployed, I may have to give in, and I hate it but my mother is an emotional abusive person who basically told my father if he didn't help her force me to become a nurse so that I can take care of schizophrenic sister when they die she'd divorce him. It doesn't matter about my happiness just so long as their angel, their biological child is taken care of, man I fucking hate them. The joke's on her though because the number of prerequisites it will take to get me into nursing school will bring up my GPA enough that I'll be able to go to grad school for art and then I'm out of this hell hole. It sucks because I hate being dishonest but if I'm going to have to take classes to keep from being thrown out onto the street I might as well take the chance to go to grad school like I wanted. I really miss making art, my mother realizes that in order for me to get into grad school I have to keep up making art so she's made a rule that I'm not allowed to make art at all anymore while living in her house, fucking bitch, I'll show her.