Kind of fun

I won $3 today on a lottery ticket so I decided to let it ride and used the winnings to buy three more tickets, the dream would be to win enough money to just be able to make my own art and support myself off that. Till then, I'm hopeful because my dad was able to get me an interview at his work, it would be really great if they hired me so I could move out of my parent's house. I really miss living on my own, and I especially miss having the opportunity to make art. My friends are harassing me that I need to go work on my photography. I do, though there really isn't anything I wan to photograph here. I can't do a model constructed reality shoot just because my parents would freak (really my mother would freak because she doesn't want anyone think she is anything other than completely "normal") and the people here are so in everyone's business they'd talk. I don't have to money to go to Seattle right now. If I got a job, not only could I possibly start REALLY making art again, but I'd have the money and freedom to do so. I'm so fucking annoyed and tired of making digital art. Diggie Art is great and all but I want to paint and draw and really take photos with full sets and costumes and lighting. I'm so tired of being here. I really hope I get onto work of art, it would be so great to get the exposure for my art and maybe the money to really start my own art practice. Of course I thought my BFA show would sell out and that would take care of that.

P.S.

I'm trying out a free digital version of oblique strategy cards, I'll tell you later what I think of them.

Off topic brings focus

So this is an art blog. Its a written record of my thoughts and feelings of my life as it relates to my art. I feel obligated to make it known then when something deeply personal which effects my entire outlook on life shifts. I realized my beliefs today, I'm a non deist animist, meaning what I believe is of importance is the animating force within my being and living my life as the person I am, another words bringing my life and my actions into sync with who I am underneath all the bullshit. The existence of a deity is unimportant, life is about living as you truly are. This is what I believe. For me art making is a spiritual practice of attempting to bring that animating force into the world and allowing it to make the choices. Its a big choice to try to live as you want most, and this is my first attempt in a long time by putting it out there, because by releasing it into the world, I have to own that it is part of me then let it go to live and be its own thing. Scary living life, isn't it.

Random Inspiration

Ok so I'm not sure what to think but I want to do a photo shoot of girls in the rain with their hair crocheted into handmade lace funeral veils, in gorgeous slightly funeral slightly victorian southern belle gowns, I really want to get shots of the hair lace wet stuck to their skin. It would be so amazing to shoot it in front of a stone mansion with a glass atrium from the turn of the last century. Not sure what I could do with the shots but it looks gorgeous in my head.

Motivating Myself

So I tried asking my life coach for credentials after my friends freaked out that I met the guy over the internet. He wouldn't produce any so I stopped seeing him. I think the guy might have been legit but if you're not interested in being upfront with me its hard to trust you. I still have to do the art piece though for the hours he already spent on me. I have a nice really big piece of scratchboard that I wasn't using for anything so I thought I might use that. He wants a picture of himself sitting in a Giant mushroom forest smoking out of a water pipe. This totally brings to mind the Moonchick from My Little Ponies. Not really my taste but I think I can do something really amazing with it. I think after I do the sketch I'll scan it and mix it with some photos in photo shop, turn the whole thing into a digital painting then email it to him.

Work of Art

So I just sent an email to throw my hat into the ring for Season 2 of Work of Art. I'm definitely going to have to keep my ADD meds on hand at all times to keep myself from wigging out if I get on the show (and probably a couple cartons of cigarettes thought I might try switching to the electric steam ones). I think if I get on I'm going to take a print out of like a mini biography with lists of things like my favorite artists and colors, important early childhood memories, stuff like that and a blank sheet that I can give to whatever artist I get paired with for the first challenge so we can save as much time as possible for the actual work. I'll probably need to bring extra copies to hand out when we first meet everyone so I don't get accused of cheating for being prepared.

Weird Day

So again feel free to check out my portfolio. Today has been kind of odd, I was unable to get to sleep till 3am last night and woke up at 2pm today. So I kind of blew my day. The good news is that yesterday I wrote a treatment for my application video for Work of Art. Now I just need to find my cables for my camera and buy a tape. Sounds easy, but I'm betting that my cables if they still "exist" are somewhere in storage so I will probably have to buy new ones. How annoying not to have a space to work. That is the thing I miss the most about art school and the biggest reason I'm so in favor of it. In art school you have a place and equipment to work and you are forced to make art, there is nothing that teaches you more about art then the daily practice of it. Once you get out of the daily practice of it its so hard to get back into that rhythm. That was the biggest reason that freshman year was both the easiest and hardest year, learning that daily rhythm when you've never had to produce like that is super fucking hard. I miss it so much, just having a place to work and being inside that daily rhythm.

Sleep it does your brain some good

Wow. I've felt so much better since getting a new bottle of Melatonin and actually getting sleep in the regular. Its amazing how much easier it is to think about art when I've slept. I'm actually thinking about making a sectioned hollow full body casting self portrait, in a reclining position slightly reminiscent of a fetal position. I'm think the whole thing will be filled with little dioramas or something like that. I'll probably make the large casting out of cast glass or plastic, I'm not sure about the rest of it, if they should be all one solid piece or if the inside dioramas should be glued in. More chance for color if its glued in. Glass would be prettier but plastic would be sturdier. I think the figure will be hung from a miniature dirigible, though its posture will give the sense of floating on water. I may be moving in with a gay couple in Seattle, don't know yet. It would be a place to live and make my art, so I guess we'll see.

For some bizarre reason I've been craving to listen to Black Hole Sun, I'd really like to hang out in front of the statue with my ipod in listening to the song, having a joint and drinking some coffee, like in the early hours of sunrise. I know very Seattle, I get to be a little cliche every now and then. I love sitting inside the statue, I missing being skinny enough to actually fit my whole body lying on my back in the center of it. So by my ramblings you might not be surprised to learn that I couldn't find my melatonin last night and so I have not slept in over 24 hours.

I did however watch the entire (with the exception of the first episode) season of "The Colony", it was really good, surprisingly. I'm really annoyed though that in the new season the guy who plays the artist is just a total jackass. Speaking of art and reality television, Work of Art, is on tonight. I haven't decided if I'm going to watch it. Its just getting really stupid. I still want to go on for next season, the exposure for my art would be amazing. Of course the ultimate thing would be if Oprah talked about on her show how amazing she thought my art was after she saw me on the show. I was watching this feature on CNN Money on the "Oprah Effect", apparently anyone who aligns themself with Oprah, especially if she endorses you in any way shape or form gets the fucking Midas treatment. How amazing would it be if Oprah had me on the show to talk about my work just before or while my show was running at the Brooklyn Museum, something would just have to sell. It really seems like some of the artists if not most of them just really don't care about winning the competition.

The art genies have yet to grant any of my requests for art supplies so I've yet to have anything to really reoport.

New Goal

Ok, so while I'm going to try to post once a day, I'm going to make it mandatory for myself that I have to post at least once a week. Whatever new art piece I'm working on I'll post on here, and I'll probably keep you up to date on whatever I'm doing on my script or other writing stuff. Hopefully this will keep me motivated to work on my art work and writing so I have something to post and talk about. I'm still hopeful that things will go well so I guess we'll see.

Check out my 'Art Supplies' WishList.

Check out my 'Art Supplies' WishList.

So I realize the chance that anyone is actually reading my blog and thinks to themselves oh gosh, I should buy something to help out that nice young artist is pretty slim but now if you want to you can do just that! Also if anyone would like to see my portfolio website to check out some of my photos feel free. Eventually once I get together enough money to pay for an art studio I'm going to try to sell some of my artwork on Etsy, at which time I will give you all my URL so you can check out that website too.

How life has VASTLY changed

Dear Reader,

To say my life has changed quite a bit since the last time we wrote is a HUGE understatement. I dropped the ball on updating my blog once more, because not long after my last blog post, I was fired. I was fired first of all because the company I was working for didn't know what to do with me and they felt I wasn't working enough hours, though when I came in everyone was too busy to give me something to do and when I tried to find something on my own, I was told, no no that doesn't help. Secondly they found some old retired guy in Florida who had 40 years of experience working as a graphic designer who was willing to do my graphics work for a penny a piece, so they say though I really believe it was just my boss who missed doing all the art himself. Third and really the biggest issue, I'm a flamer and can't help it and that was the biggest reason thing went down the way they did. I had things said to my face with witnesses that had I been a full employee instead of an independent contractor I could have nailed that asshole's balls to the wall, but sadly I've had it looked up, in my state independent contractors have absolutely no rights.

I in fact did not get into SFAI for my MFA in photography. I was told by someone else at another school that its the policy of most grad schools that no matter how good your portfolio is, if you don't have at least a 3.0 you are shit out of luck. Balls. I stayed in my old apartment till the end of my lease trying my best to find work, but couldn't. So after having surgery on my foot, I went to a fat camp but washed out. Now I'm living at home with my very homophobic parents and my schizophrenic sister. And nearly 10 months after being fired I've still yet to find work or get into a grad school.

I was working rather hard on my screenplay, mostly reading books about screenwriting, but I've gotten to the point now that before I can really write anything more about a story set in Hawaii I need to really go soak up the culture. What's awesome is that I'm hopefully going to be moving there to live with my best friend Kahaka. His family owns a couple houses out there and if things work out the only thing I have to pay for is my plane ticket and food. Moving out there will really give me a chance to finish my script.

While I've been living with my parents, every time I try to make art they harass me about wasting time and money and doing things that are "pointless". All of my friends are more than happy to tell me that I need to escape my parents' place and yet they have no suggestion as to how I can accomplish that as the economy is horrible for everyone and I'm constantly applying for jobs. I may need to just go work fast food or some crappy job like that. Not sure what to do.

I really wish I had a space to paint, write, and develop photos.