There's really nothing I'd rather do...

So its taken me a long time to figure this out, because I was always worried about or thinking about all the things I "could" do or "should" be doing but I've come to realize there's really only one job I can think of that I would really want to do day and day out for the rest of my life without eventually hating it or myself. I really do want to be a tattoo artist. Like I'll still have hobbies like writing and making art but there is really no way I'd want to deal with the stress of working for Vogue as a photographer or killing myself working on a tv series, or constantly having to go without because my latest painting series didn't sell. I would be really happy to just be a tattoo artist and work in a shop like in Key West or something. I just want to have a good steady job as a tattoo artist and have a little house, a husband and a kid. Really that's all I need out of life. That is my little piece of paradise. I love tattoos, I love art and I love people (in small numbers). This is what I'm going to devote my life to, being a tattoo artist.


Jim

I will do whatever it takes

So right now I'm on the HCG diet, and depending how well that works I may do some lipo in conjunction to speed along the process. My goal weight right now is probably 140lbs to 150lbs. So anyway what does this have to do with art you ask? Well my cousin who is involved with marijuana growers refused to give me a job growing (which would have easily covered my expenses.) My parents are trying to push me into nursing but I'm only taking the prerequisites because they said I have to if I'm going to continue living here. My plan as it stands is to continue with the taking classes at the community college, see if it will bring my GPA up enough that I can get into grad school, and keep doing everything I can to get thinner. My plan is that once I've reached my goal weight I shall either go into the military (so long as DADT is repealed) or become a stripper, and I kind of think being a stripper would be more fun and slightly less likely to get shot. Then the money from being a solider/stripper will be used for a couple of other things, one is going to this tattoo school in Thailand, another is that I think I would like to go to CAL ARTS for their character animation program and the third thing would be to possible go get an MFA but I'm not sure what in yet. Beyond all that though I want the opportunity to continue pursuing my art and trying to live a life that makes me happy, I would not be happy as a nurse and I'm tired of my parents trying to push me into it. I want to keep pursuing film making and my other visual arts and I will do anything it takes to make that happen and to become the very best I can be.

Something really beautiful that I love

So I love tattoos. Always have. When I was young I always got so turned on by looking at the tattooed arms of bikers and old sailors. When they'd let me I'd love to run my fingers along the lines of color, there was just something different and so pleasant about the smell of heavily inked skin, I especially love the faded green color as it turned with age. So I'm going to continue doing screenwriting as my hobby until that takes off and keep making my fine art work but I realize that I would really like to do to pay my bills, what would be something that I'd really love coming to work to do everyday and that I'd still want to do everyday of it till I'm like 80 years old and that is tattooing. I would really HATE nursing I think, I may have to go through the program either way while I'm stuck living with my folks, and it is a good skill to have but what I want to do is tattoo.

Who would have thought things could be come so clear so quickly

So I was answering the interview questions on facebook and it asked me, "What would your dream job be?" I had to be honest with myself and just clear my head and write what truly came to me and I realized my dream job would be to be a screenwriter. Like there are a million other things I want to do, like I want to learn to direct, and I want to be a great artist, and I want to be a photographer but the one thing I'd like to do, day in and day out for the rest of my life to pay the bills and make the money is that I would like to be a great screenwriter. I want to tell those stories that I wish were out there in the cinema for me when I was growing up. I think the thing that is really important to me is telling my perspective on things and giving the people a really great story, everything else in my life has to be in service to that. What I want is to tell people stories for a living, and screenplays are the way I want to do it. I will always be an artist, and I will always be a photographer, but these are just other ways in which I seek to tell a story.

Job in my sights

So I met someone today at the gay bar who runs a photo studio in Pullman. I mentioned that I'm a photographer looking for a job, he looked at my work online and he really liked it. He had me add him on facebook and we'll chat in a bit to see. I'm thinking of doing a art series called unloved toys. It will be a a series of photographs of people who feel unloved done up to look like dolls and toys.

Dripping Ecstasy

I suck at the viper's pointy nipple like mother's milk
Death calms my aching sorrow
The Ocean's bitter solace is my fortitude
Unwrap my vulnerable bodice, my sweet and tender sex to your lashing tongue and pulsing member
I crave your terrorist penetration, your invasion of my soft dark places
Take me, make you mine and me yours
I am an ice cream in the freezer cabinet
Your soft hot wet tongue my salvation
Set me free.

Letting the Days pass me by

Its kind of amazing how easy it is to let an entire day pass you by without intending it. Soon its a week, then a month and before you know it, a year will have passed you by and you are still in the same spot your were, nothing done, nothing accomplished and nothing learned. I feel a bit like I'm stuck in one of those Alaskan mud pits, the kind where before they had the air machines to pop you out of, you would sink slowly, the force holding you in enough that if they tried to pull you out you'd be ripped in two. No way to pull you out, you'd slowly sink to your death in a matter of days. Now they have machines that create a massive air bubble underneath and pop you out like being shot from a canon. You fly 30 ft into the air and they have to be sure to catch you so the impact coming down doesn't kill you. Where is my air bubble that will free me from this mess of a life? I feel like I'm grabbing onto every branch I see and the mud just keeps dragging me down into it. I refuse to die, I refuse to give up on my dreams, I refuse to become like them. I will get out of this pit of toxic emotion, petty cruelty, manipulative guilt, abandoned dreams and unrealized potential. I will continue to make art in whatever form I can.

Starting to find footholds again

So I'm starting to find my footing. I went to this event called "The 24 hour comic challenge", while it was a little bit stressful, I for the most part with the exception of a small spat had a great time. I will at some point load the pages I drew at the event on here. So basically I realized that the only way I'm ever going to be happy is making art and that if I'm not making art I will be miserable for the rest of my life. It may sound like a hollow and selfish goal to the the more self-righteous among us but I just want to live my life to be happy. I've decided I'm going to do Peace Corps and may take classes online while I'm there so that I can bring up my GPA enough that when I'm done I can go to Grad School. I'm really looking forward to Peace Corps. I'm actually not sure how long I'll do it for, I'm thinking I'd like to do several tours. The place I'd most like to go is Central and South America.