Lost in the Wilderness

I am lost in the wilderness. I have become delirious from fatigue, starvation, and dehydration of a spiritual sort. I can not find my way back to the well which I drank from before because I am blocked by inconveniences of social circumstance. I have allowed myself to be dictated to and shut in a hole. Outside the walls of my lonely cave, I fear the howling winds of winter. I am a prisoner of my own fear. I have allowed myself to be kept like a pet, a horse in a stone stable that is ignored and abandoned, I do not drink from my own wild spirit, I do not express myself in the language of wind and color, I sit here and I waste away. Alone and forgotten. I have the blood and the spirit of wild mustangs, I was meant to sleep in canyons and dance to with wild natives, not to be beaten into submission so that I may hoist the yoke capitalism around my neck and slave away to be something useful. I was born wild and beautiful, and yet you would set me before the plow and starve me of the world which is rightfully mine to explore. But here I stay, and I don't know why. I have convinced myself that I could not live without you to feed me, to lead me, to protect me, and I have accepted your cruelty as being for my betterment. I am ashamed of what I have allowed myself to do, to become, at your direction. I see others, alive and alone out in the world. Yes, sometimes they go hungry, yes sometimes they go cold, and yes sometimes the dangers of the world overcome them but they have chosen struggle of freedom over the lifeless existence of captivity. I envy them. What I would do to be free and in the world once more, to feel courage and joy, but I have forgotten how to live in the world and the world is cruel to those that are unprepared. I want to live.