Twice Exceptional in a World built for the Neurologically Mundane.

Twice exceptional is a term meant to define someone like myself. Someone with a learning disability or handicap who is very gifted in other areas or who has an extremely high IQ. A website I came across was saying that twice-exceptional people, because their giftedness can often hide their handicap, their handicap can often hide their giftedness and are often mislabeled as lazy. This was absolutely the case for me in college the first time around. My professors had no experience with meeting a person with special needs on their own level and they went out of their way to make it clear that they weren't interested in doing so. Yes I'm exceptionally gifted and talented but their are specific areas where my mind can lag, and sometimes I can get very frustrated and give up, usually around things like cleaning and organization. In addition to my ADD, I also get migraines and panic attacks. There is a positive side though to my ADD, I'm also what's termed a super creative. Ordinary people have an organizational mode and a creative mode, I've got a creative mode and a super creative mode where I've been known to almost black out and produce some amazing work of art where I step back and go "Wow, did I do that?". This time around I'm going to step up an education plan for myself. I plan to take my meds (HUGE CHANGE), talk to my counselor and my professors about my condition, buy a season pass to Six Flags since its walking distance of the school and will help me deal with my adrenaline addiction, not take on too heavy of a class load and make use of all the help and aid available to me.

Feels like a year

So it feels like a year since I last posted. It was really hard to keep up with blog when I was job searching. Every free bit of energy was spent either looking for a job, trying to complete and sell different creative projects that could have amounted to a job, and when I'd spent every ounce of productive energy I had left, I wallowed in the unemployed depression funk. As of about two weeks ago though I have a job. Unfortunately its another independent contractor gig, and its a little bit of a pay cut in hourly wage and I'm not getting a lot of hours right now but ITS SOMETHING!

You have no idea how much better I feel having a job. I really am one of those people that needs to be productive. So my new position is a the marketing director for this little internet start up one of my dad's partners from his radiology practice is starting that sells t-shirt designs through print on demand t-shirt company called spread shirt. So right now I'm making an hourly wage and if at some point in the future they start hauling in a considerable profit I will get a percentage.

Currently I'm just concentrating on trying to get everything to work and managing the startup operations of the company while coming up with advertising and marketing schemes. You have no idea how much its impacting my sleep to have to deal with super early risers on the east and west coast and a late sleeping artist in Hawaii, but I'm happy to be in charge. Thank goodness for emails. Thankfully my job is entirely over the internet so I can move anywhere I want to. If I can get enough money together for a ticket, security deposit and first months rent I was told I'm at the top of the list for a loft in the china town artist lofts in Hawaii. Actually its really nice that I'll be able to make all my own art and not have to worry about exhausting all my creative juices at work then not being able to create when I get home like I did at PCM. Plus it will be great if I can make this happen to be able to drive to the artist's house if I need to. The thing is that his work looks SUPER familiar, I'm starting to wonder if I know this guy.

Anyway, so my creativity has quite a bit more direction now. I have decided that eventually I want to go back to school and study film/character animation, but that will likely be a while. Till then I'm just going to do my best at whatever I do and try to earn the money I need.

Its nice to have a little more direction.

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On another front, I've got an update on the side business doing discreet portraits for people. I did some nude portraits for a protestant minister in town, and had a query from a small time politician back east in the Carolinas who decided the whole thing was too expensive for them, and since then that business has basically died. They were really fun and tasteful and the customers were extremely satisfied with the results but I think there just isn't a market right now for professional pinup photos for personal use. I'm not interested in working in porn so I'm just going to continue checking the email I set up for the business but unless someone comes looking for my services I'm going to pursue other job opportunities and just leave that on the back burner for now.

Hexagram 12 Stagnation Hexagram 52 Thunder

Where I'm at in my life. The heavens and the earth are disconnected and disunified and inferior invaders seek to fill the void of power. Quick fixes are to be resisted as they will lead to the downfall and destruction of the noble person. Thunder flashes, a sign from the heavens that is time to put myself back into alignment with the higher power. The money I could have made would have been enough but that isn't the way I want to make it. Its so tempting to take the quick fix and get the hell out of here but I've seen the order of the cards before the ante and this is not a game I would have won. Right now my intention is to do what I have to to get physically fit and become my most alluring self so that I can capitalize on the god struck good looks I've been blessed with having when I'm at my thinnest. I'm then going to use the money from that to further my art career. I figure gastric bypass and stiperobics and in no time I'll be paying for my new artist loft "working that pole like a runaway".

Holy Crap

Ok so its been two months since I've posted, wow. Bad me. Well first of all the person I found to teach me turned out to be a total flake, (interesting to be on the receiving end of that) and basically was all committed to teaching me then never actually responded to me so we could meet up. So then I was going to go to the tattoo school in Portland but its 9 grand, which I don't have plus rent and my credit sucks and there's no federal funding because its licensed not accredited. So that's still a vague possibly very good idea, if I can ever manage the money. So I've been trying to work on drawing more, finding the motivation is difficult to say the least. What can I say I'd rather veg out and do nothing in front of the television or surf the web then spend an hour practicing my drawing like I should. I've been looking at other options for work type stuff. I'm attempting to start my own business taking erotic portraits for discreet professionals and I've got my first customer Saturday. Should be good, I'm getting $300. If nothing else, that money will be a big help with whatever I do next, even if no one else takes me up on my services. I have an interview in Key West when my family goes there on vacation to apply to work in a gallery selling art, which would be pretty awesome, mostly because its Key West and I'm hoping they'd let me sell my own work there as well. I've also decided to apply to graduate school again. I'm applying to the American Film Institute for a Masters of Fine Arts in Cinematography. Its something I'm good at and a career I'd enjoy. Now I've got till May to do 2 twenty minute videos that show off my skills as a cinematographer. Wish me luck.

Ok then

So I managed to find someone to teach me tattooing but first I need to get my life together so that I can live in Seattle. I really miss living in Seattle and I need to find a way to do so, especially since my tattoo instructor lives in Seattle. The plan is become an awesome tattoo artist, save money while living in Seattle (difficult but possible) until I save enough money to move to Paris.

The Disappointment of a Small and Unimportant Life.

The other day my dear friend Chad and I were mulling over our life prospects together and we reached the conclusion that we were both very disappointed with our lives and couldn't quite decide where it was that we went wrong. Both of us have had very important accomplished people, who "know what they are talking about" praise us for what a natural wealth of talent we have and how we were supposed to be going places. Unfortunately neither of us have gone anywhere, we're both stuck. Stuck living with our parents, stuck with people who would seek to at all costs to prevent us from continuing to pursue our "worthless" passions, stuck away from the cities that we love to be in, stuck in suburbia, stuck being forced to study other fields which "make a viable contribution to society" in the view of other people, stuck relying on people that if they didn't have money and we weren't both destitute we'd never speak to them again. Stuck. I really wish I had the money to pursue my art career the way I wanted, or hell even the money to go to CalArts for their character animation program (go get a job I'd love and enjoy in a related field). There are a million things I'd rather be doing, but I've made mistakes in the past that have sabotaged me and now I'm stuck.

Balderdash

So apparently I spoke too soon because I never actually heard back about the job at Nintendo, big fucking let down. Now I'm not exactly sure what to do, I'm pretty sure no one even reads this blog, but if you did I'd really love to hear some advice. I wish I was thin enough to go into the military. Hell at this point I'd sign up for a program where they put you in a medical coma for a couple of months till you're skinny enough to go into the military. I would actually do that, it would probably be horrible for me and be outrageously expensive but hey putting on muscle mass has never ever been a problem its taking off fat that's the issue. So I've found out that I've got hypothyroidism, and while I don't eat that well its not helped that I'm not producing enough of the hormone for my metabolism to be where it needs to be. I was feeling really well when I was on the thyroid med for a while but its run out so now I need to find a local doc and get my med situation figured out. I'm 330lbs. and I need to weigh 150lbs. to go into the military. I'm going to be honest, I really really don't, I mean DO absolutely not want to become a nurse but my parents are doing everything in their power to force me into it. Its gotten to the point where the argument is go become a nurse or go live under an overpass. So rather than be homeless and unemployed, I may have to give in, and I hate it but my mother is an emotional abusive person who basically told my father if he didn't help her force me to become a nurse so that I can take care of schizophrenic sister when they die she'd divorce him. It doesn't matter about my happiness just so long as their angel, their biological child is taken care of, man I fucking hate them. The joke's on her though because the number of prerequisites it will take to get me into nursing school will bring up my GPA enough that I'll be able to go to grad school for art and then I'm out of this hell hole. It sucks because I hate being dishonest but if I'm going to have to take classes to keep from being thrown out onto the street I might as well take the chance to go to grad school like I wanted. I really miss making art, my mother realizes that in order for me to get into grad school I have to keep up making art so she's made a rule that I'm not allowed to make art at all anymore while living in her house, fucking bitch, I'll show her.