Hexagram 12 Stagnation Hexagram 52 Thunder

Where I'm at in my life. The heavens and the earth are disconnected and disunified and inferior invaders seek to fill the void of power. Quick fixes are to be resisted as they will lead to the downfall and destruction of the noble person. Thunder flashes, a sign from the heavens that is time to put myself back into alignment with the higher power. The money I could have made would have been enough but that isn't the way I want to make it. Its so tempting to take the quick fix and get the hell out of here but I've seen the order of the cards before the ante and this is not a game I would have won. Right now my intention is to do what I have to to get physically fit and become my most alluring self so that I can capitalize on the god struck good looks I've been blessed with having when I'm at my thinnest. I'm then going to use the money from that to further my art career. I figure gastric bypass and stiperobics and in no time I'll be paying for my new artist loft "working that pole like a runaway".

Holy Crap

Ok so its been two months since I've posted, wow. Bad me. Well first of all the person I found to teach me turned out to be a total flake, (interesting to be on the receiving end of that) and basically was all committed to teaching me then never actually responded to me so we could meet up. So then I was going to go to the tattoo school in Portland but its 9 grand, which I don't have plus rent and my credit sucks and there's no federal funding because its licensed not accredited. So that's still a vague possibly very good idea, if I can ever manage the money. So I've been trying to work on drawing more, finding the motivation is difficult to say the least. What can I say I'd rather veg out and do nothing in front of the television or surf the web then spend an hour practicing my drawing like I should. I've been looking at other options for work type stuff. I'm attempting to start my own business taking erotic portraits for discreet professionals and I've got my first customer Saturday. Should be good, I'm getting $300. If nothing else, that money will be a big help with whatever I do next, even if no one else takes me up on my services. I have an interview in Key West when my family goes there on vacation to apply to work in a gallery selling art, which would be pretty awesome, mostly because its Key West and I'm hoping they'd let me sell my own work there as well. I've also decided to apply to graduate school again. I'm applying to the American Film Institute for a Masters of Fine Arts in Cinematography. Its something I'm good at and a career I'd enjoy. Now I've got till May to do 2 twenty minute videos that show off my skills as a cinematographer. Wish me luck.

Ok then

So I managed to find someone to teach me tattooing but first I need to get my life together so that I can live in Seattle. I really miss living in Seattle and I need to find a way to do so, especially since my tattoo instructor lives in Seattle. The plan is become an awesome tattoo artist, save money while living in Seattle (difficult but possible) until I save enough money to move to Paris.

The Disappointment of a Small and Unimportant Life.

The other day my dear friend Chad and I were mulling over our life prospects together and we reached the conclusion that we were both very disappointed with our lives and couldn't quite decide where it was that we went wrong. Both of us have had very important accomplished people, who "know what they are talking about" praise us for what a natural wealth of talent we have and how we were supposed to be going places. Unfortunately neither of us have gone anywhere, we're both stuck. Stuck living with our parents, stuck with people who would seek to at all costs to prevent us from continuing to pursue our "worthless" passions, stuck away from the cities that we love to be in, stuck in suburbia, stuck being forced to study other fields which "make a viable contribution to society" in the view of other people, stuck relying on people that if they didn't have money and we weren't both destitute we'd never speak to them again. Stuck. I really wish I had the money to pursue my art career the way I wanted, or hell even the money to go to CalArts for their character animation program (go get a job I'd love and enjoy in a related field). There are a million things I'd rather be doing, but I've made mistakes in the past that have sabotaged me and now I'm stuck.

Balderdash

So apparently I spoke too soon because I never actually heard back about the job at Nintendo, big fucking let down. Now I'm not exactly sure what to do, I'm pretty sure no one even reads this blog, but if you did I'd really love to hear some advice. I wish I was thin enough to go into the military. Hell at this point I'd sign up for a program where they put you in a medical coma for a couple of months till you're skinny enough to go into the military. I would actually do that, it would probably be horrible for me and be outrageously expensive but hey putting on muscle mass has never ever been a problem its taking off fat that's the issue. So I've found out that I've got hypothyroidism, and while I don't eat that well its not helped that I'm not producing enough of the hormone for my metabolism to be where it needs to be. I was feeling really well when I was on the thyroid med for a while but its run out so now I need to find a local doc and get my med situation figured out. I'm 330lbs. and I need to weigh 150lbs. to go into the military. I'm going to be honest, I really really don't, I mean DO absolutely not want to become a nurse but my parents are doing everything in their power to force me into it. Its gotten to the point where the argument is go become a nurse or go live under an overpass. So rather than be homeless and unemployed, I may have to give in, and I hate it but my mother is an emotional abusive person who basically told my father if he didn't help her force me to become a nurse so that I can take care of schizophrenic sister when they die she'd divorce him. It doesn't matter about my happiness just so long as their angel, their biological child is taken care of, man I fucking hate them. The joke's on her though because the number of prerequisites it will take to get me into nursing school will bring up my GPA enough that I'll be able to go to grad school for art and then I'm out of this hell hole. It sucks because I hate being dishonest but if I'm going to have to take classes to keep from being thrown out onto the street I might as well take the chance to go to grad school like I wanted. I really miss making art, my mother realizes that in order for me to get into grad school I have to keep up making art so she's made a rule that I'm not allowed to make art at all anymore while living in her house, fucking bitch, I'll show her.

My New Years Resolutions

So I know that New Years is quite a few months off but I thought I'd put my resolutions down now and and keep adding to them as time goes by. So here's what I've got so far.:

-Keep my new job at Nintendo come hell or high water for at least a year while I save money for school
-Write and draw, at least an hour each every day
-Try to go to as many life drawing sessions as absolutely possible, at least once a month
-Do everything I can to try to get ready to apply to the CalArts Character Animation Program
-Make hygiene a priority, I mean not just shower daily but actually go out of my way to look and smell as best I can and go to work every day in a fresh clean pair of clothes
-Not put pressure on myself or anyone else to be in a relationship especially with me
-To make work my first priority and to go work everyday on time and put forth my absolute best effort
-While trying to plan for the future take things one step at a time
-Clean my apartment on a regular basis, including throwing away and taking out the trash, doing the laundry, vacuuming, picking up and mopping
-Buy furniture for my apartment
-Buy more clothes that are work appropriate

My First Novel

So I sent in a submission form and novel proposal to White Wolf Publishing to see if they'll let me write a novel in their game universe. I would really love to finally get published. My friends seem to really like my story idea but we'll see if the guys at the publishing company feel the same way.