I miss having something to take pictures of, to draw. I hate not having a space to create. I complained today to my father that there's nothing to draw here, nothing to take photos of, his response of was that there's tons of thing to draw and photograph. He brings up the sunset in the backyard. Its a shot I've taken hundreds of photos of since I was a sophomore in high school almost 12 years ago. Its an angle I'm never even been all that fond of. Its relaxing to look out at but its not something that works compositionally. I've drawn the backyard and all its pieces more times than I'd like to count. I hate coming inside to draw still lifes because I never feel comfortable and at peace here.
There is a definite awareness that if a space isn't really yours, its hard to make art in it. Basically I feel like if its a space where you couldn't feel comfortable walking around naked, its hard to really make yourself vulnerable enough to make art. I've seen this same landscape on and off for 11 years and its come to represent depression and being controlled, I look out my window and I feel sick. Its definitely time to move on when I can, but who has the money to travel these days?
I need an out, I really hope the financing for this film comes through.
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